TW: physical/emotional bullying and kids being super heckin mean!
When I was in the second grade I asked this group of kids if I could play house with them. They said "sure! You can be the stairs!" and proceeded to push me over and walk on my back into the playhouse. I, in my infinite seven-year-old wisdom, thought to myself, "incredible! This must be what it's like to be included!" It wasn't until embarrassingly recently that I learned no, somebody doesn't have to play "the stairs" in a game of house: I was just being bullied. So I wrote a song, this song, about how experiences like that shaped me into the person I am today.
lyrics
Lyrics:
I was never good at monkey bars
I was never good at runnin’
I was never good at being loved back
But I still thought you were so stunnin’
I thought you were like an angel from up high
And I was just a canary in a coalmine
All I ever wanted was somebody to love me
I wished on every single shooting star up above me
But when we played house I played the stairs
And you walked all over my spine
And I said hey, at least I’m included
You didn’t have to be so kind
But now I have your footprints on my back
They hurt when I’m having an asthma attack
But I’m sure that you had your reasons for pushing me down
On the playground
I was never good at seeking you out
But I was even worse at hiding
I was never good at getting angry
So I never got the hang of fighting
I thought you could give me some purpose
But you hurt me, don’t think it was on purpose
All I ever wanted was somebody to like me
To think that I was funny and to not wanna fight me
But when we played house I played the stairs
And you walked all over my spine
And I said hey, at least I’m included
You didn’t have to be so kind
But now I have your footprints on my back
They hurt when I’m having a panic attack
But I’m sure that you had your reasons for pushing me down
On the playground
I am sorry for being so annoying
So saccharine and cloying
I am sorry for crying and for telling
For singing and rebelling
Now when we play house I ask to be the stairs
And I offer you my spine
And you say hey, that’s so considerate
How are you so kind?
Cause now I crave your footprints on my back
Walk on me or I’ll have a heart attack
And I forgive all your reasons for pushing me down
On the playground
credits
from Songs to the Monster Under My Bed,
released May 1, 2021
Mirabai Kukathas (she/her) - lyrics, melody, vocals
Grafton Downs (he/him) - bass
Matt "Sabyu" Sablan (he/him) - ukulele, electric guitar, cajón, production
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